The Breakthrough Room

Are You Masking Your Pain? 7 Signs It’s Time to Walk Into Your Purpose (Domestic Violence Awareness Guide)

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Are you living behind a mask, hiding pain that’s eating away at your soul? October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and it’s time we have an honest conversation about recognizing when survival has become your default mode. As someone who’s walked this path, I know firsthand how easy it is to convince yourself that what you’re experiencing is normal, that maybe you’re just being too sensitive, or that things will get better if you just try harder.

But here’s the truth: You deserve more than just surviving. You deserve to thrive.

The statistics are staggering – one in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Yet so many of us wear masks, hiding our reality from the world and sometimes even from ourselves. Today, we’re going to unmask the signs that it’s time to stop hiding and start walking boldly into the purpose that’s been waiting for you.

Sign #1: You’re Constantly Walking on Eggshells

Does your day revolve around avoiding your partner’s mood swings? Do you find yourself rehearsing conversations in your head, trying to predict what might set them off? When you’re constantly monitoring someone else’s emotional temperature and adjusting your behavior accordingly, that’s not love – that’s survival mode.

You might catch yourself thinking, “If I just don’t bring up work today” or “Maybe if I cook his favorite meal, he won’t get angry about the bills.” This hypervigilance is exhausting, and it’s robbing you of your authentic self. Your nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight mode, and that’s no way to live.

Sign #2: Your Support System Has Mysteriously Disappeared

Remember when you used to have coffee dates with your best friend? When was the last time you spoke to your sister without your partner listening in? Abusers are masterful at isolating their victims, often so gradually that you don’t even notice it happening.

It starts small – maybe they complain that your friends are “bad influences” or they need you home during the exact time you usually meet up with people. Before you know it, you’re making excuses for why you can’t see family, why you’re always too busy for friends, or why you quit that job you loved.

This isolation isn’t accidental. It’s designed to make you dependent and to eliminate witnesses to the abuse. When you have no one to talk to, no one to reality-check your experiences with, it becomes easier to believe that maybe you really are the problem.

Sign #3: You’ve Started Questioning Your Own Reality

“Did that really happen the way I remember it?” If you’re constantly second-guessing your own memories and perceptions, you might be experiencing gaslighting – one of the most insidious forms of psychological abuse.

Your partner might say things like, “I never said that,” “You’re being too sensitive,” or “You’re crazy if you think I would do that.” Over time, this constant questioning of your reality erodes your confidence in your own judgment. You start to believe that maybe you are too emotional, too needy, or too dramatic.

But let me tell you something: Your feelings are valid. Your memories matter. Your perception of your own experience is real and important.

Sign #4: Financial Control Has Become Your New Normal

Money is power, and abusers know this. Are you unable to access your own bank accounts? Do you have to ask permission to buy groceries or gas? Has your partner taken over all financial decisions, leaving you completely dependent on them?

Financial abuse is present in 98% of domestic violence cases, yet it’s rarely talked about. It might look like:

• Having your paycheck deposited into an account you can’t access
• Being forbidden from working or having your work sabotaged
• Having credit cards maxed out in your name
• Being given an “allowance” for basic necessities

This type of control makes leaving feel impossible because where would you go? How would you survive? But remember, there are resources available to help you gain financial independence.

Sign #5: Your Personality Has Changed Dramatically

Look in the mirror – do you recognize yourself? If you used to be outgoing, confident, and full of dreams, but now you feel like a shell of your former self, that’s a red flag that something is seriously wrong.

Maybe you used to love painting, but your partner convinced you it was a “waste of time and money.” Perhaps you were working toward a degree, but somehow you ended up dropping out because of their constant criticism or sabotage. The person you are now might be quiet, anxious, and afraid to make decisions without approval.

This isn’t who you really are. This is who you’ve become as a survival mechanism. The real you is still in there, waiting to be unmasked.

Sign #6: Physical “Accidents” Keep Happening

Domestic violence doesn’t always start with a punch. It often begins with seemingly minor incidents – a pushed door that “accidentally” hits you, being grabbed too tightly during an argument, or objects being thrown near (but not directly at) you.

Maybe there are no visible bruises, but you find yourself flinching when they raise their hand or move quickly toward you. Your body knows what your mind might not want to accept – you’re not safe.

And if there are bruises, cuts, or injuries that you find yourself explaining away with increasingly creative stories, it’s time to stop making excuses. Nobody deserves to live in fear of physical harm, ever.

Sign #7: You’ve Lost Hope for Your Future

This might be the most heartbreaking sign of all. When abuse becomes your norm, it’s easy to lose sight of the dreams you once had. The future feels uncertain, scary, or simply nonexistent. You might think, “This is just my life now” or “I don’t deserve better than this.”

But that voice telling you there’s no way out? That’s not your truth talking – that’s the abuse talking. You have purpose. You have value. You have a future that’s bigger and brighter than anything you can imagine right now.

Why We Mask Our Pain

Hiding abuse feels safer than facing it. There’s the fear of not being believed, the shame of staying, the terror of what might happen if you leave. Society often asks, “Why didn’t you just leave?” as if it’s that simple.

The truth is, leaving is the most dangerous time for domestic violence victims. Abusers often escalate when they sense their control slipping away. Add in financial dependence, children, threats, and a systematic destruction of self-worth, and staying can feel like the only option.

But masking your pain is slowly killing your spirit. Every day you pretend everything is fine, you’re moving further away from the woman you were meant to be.

Walking Into Your Purpose Starts With One Step

Your purpose isn’t something you find – it’s something you unmask. It’s been there all along, buried under layers of fear, control, and survival. Walking into your purpose means taking back your power, one small step at a time.

Start by naming what’s happening. Say it out loud, even if it’s just to yourself: “This is abuse.” Write it down. Tell one trusted person. Connect with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

Create a safety plan. This might include:

• Keeping important documents in a safe place
• Having a bag packed with essentials
• Identifying safe places you can go
• Saving money in a secure location
• Memorizing important phone numbers

Remember, you don’t have to leave today to start planning for tomorrow. Every small step toward freedom is a victory worth celebrating.

Your Mask Is Not Your Identity

That mask you’ve been wearing – the one that says you’re fine, that everything is normal, that you deserve this treatment – it’s not who you are. It’s a protective mechanism that served its purpose, but it’s time to let it go.

Behind that mask is a warrior. Behind that mask is someone with dreams, talents, and a purpose that this world desperately needs. Behind that mask is you – the real you.

This October, during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I challenge you to look in the mirror and see past the mask. Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? Who would I be if I felt safe to be myself?

Your purpose is calling. It’s time to answer.

If you’re ready to start unmasking your power and walking into your purpose, know that you’re not alone. There are resources, people, and programs designed specifically to help survivors like us not just escape, but thrive.

Your story doesn’t end with abuse – it begins after it. And that beginning starts with removing the mask and showing the world who you really are.

You are worthy. You are valuable. You are stronger than you know.

It’s time to unmask your motivation and step boldly into the life you deserve.